Lilo & Stitch

Hmmm! I wasn’t sure if I was watching a sentimental edition of “Hawaii Five-O” here or a collection of outtakes from a “Sonic” movie as this rather disappointingly trundles along for the guts of two hours. It’s starts off quite promisingly as we see the “Grand Councilwoman” sentence the latest creation of madcap scientist “Jumba” to exile under the supervision of himself and Earth expert “Pleakley”. It turns out that the eponymous blue critter is actually quite a malevolent beastie adept at causing no end of mischief, and with the authorities now on his tail, he concludes that the safest thing to do is to hide in plain sight and get him self adopted by the none-too-bright “Lilo” (Maia Kealoha) who actually thinks he’s a dog! What is even dafter is that her elder sister “Nani” (Sydney Agudong) also reckons there is nothing so abnormal about a lively blue pet that can enunciate - though that’s perhaps because she is dazzled by the affections of the beefcake poster boy next door “David” (the hilariously wooden Kaipo Dudoit). Anyway, that’s the scene set as the predicable character arcs take us on a journey from bereavement and rebelliousness to the certainty of it’s long-in-coming denouement. It has it’s Laurel and Hardy moments, and at times there is some very light comedy - usually from Billy Magnussen, but I’m afraid that the story hasn’t the courage of it’s initially mischievous convictions and I rather lost interest as a sea of sentiment washed over me. Maybe it needs a “Brightburn” style director’s cut to spice it up a bit, but as it is it is an ok watch for the kids but not much more.

While watching Disney’s new live-action version of Lilo & Stitch, the film felt fairly accurate to the original 2002 animated film for the first half of the film while the second half seemed insanely different in comparison. However, upon revisiting the original film, the live-action version features many unwanted modifications. Pleakley and Jumba are butchered in the new film. Now played by Billy Magnussen and Zach Galifianakis respectively both spend the majority of the film as humans (they use alien technology to mimic humans early in the film). This was likely done as a cost-cutting measure, especially after the opening of the film is all CGI, but it’s awkward. Lilo & Stitch was originally meant as a Disney+ exclusive and has the lowest budget ($100 million) of any Disney live-action remake since Cruella. Magnussen at least has the same personality and a similar voice to Kevin McDonald’s in the original film. The new film turns Jumba into the main villain and strips the character of his Russian accent. In the original film, Jumba is hunting Stitch up until the point where Stitch simply asks Jumba to help him which he abides by. As humans, both Magnussen and Galifianakis seem to be wearing false teeth or something as they both have overbites that completely alter their speech. It gives the characters this uncanny valley appearance that is way more unsettling than it should be. Cobra Bubbles is no longer a former CIA agent turned CPS social worker. He’s now just a CIA agent with no personality whatsoever. Courtney B. Vance portrays Bubbles in the film and while his acting skills are fine his frame isn’t big enough. Oddly, Disney is currently hiring actors who never saw the original film for their remakes though. Galifianakis didn’t even know who Jumba was while Courtney B. Vance didn’t watch the film because Stitch scared his kids. It’s no wonder their performances aren’t satisfying. The new film splits the Bubbles character into two characters. Bubbles is a straightforward CIA agent while Tia Carrere (the original voice of Nani) portrays the CPS social worker and is essentially all of the softer and kinder aspects that made Bubbles interesting. She manifests what made Bubbles interesting, but is otherwise a bit flat while trying to be a worthwhile character on her own. Lilo and Nani now have neighbors who are also part of their Ohana. The film strips David of whatever charm he may have had in the animated film. Kaipo Dudoi portrays him as a bumbling idiot who can’t talk or put a sentence together to save his life. His grandma Tutu (Amy Hill) is almost never in the film without riding her 4-wheeler. She takes Lilo to the pound to pick up Stitch behind Nani’s back whereas it was Nani’s idea in the animated film. Some big alterations come in the form of both Lilo and Stitch. Lilo lashed out in the animated film but had a vivid imagination. In the new film, Maia Kealoha has the right voice and mannerisms, but the way she is written injects all of the obnoxious behavior of her character and none of what makes her interesting. In the 2002 film, Stitch doesn’t say more than three or four words at a time until the ending where he asks to say goodbye and talks about his little and broken family still being good. Most of his dialogue is his alien language and various catchphrases. He begins talking in full sentences halfway into the live-action film. There are also no cute and fluffy jokes, which is a crime in itself. The new film erases Stitch’s infatuation with The Ugly Duckling, which feels like a huge story shift. Stitch learns what family is and learns that he doesn’t have parents because he was made in a lab and not born naturally. He relates to The Ugly Duckling because he wants to be a part of a family. A family he never had can’t come pick him up or make him feel better, so he finds his own. There’s also this new concept of Stitch getting heavier the longer he’s in the water. This new story element will obviously factor into how things unfold later in the film, but Stitch didn’t like water originally and couldn’t swim. For possessing “enhanced intellect,” deciding to go into the water when you can’t swim and because you’ll likely never reach the surface again if you fall in seems dumb. The other differences are mostly little ones that are still bothersome. There’s less of an emphasis on Elvis and his music, Stitch loses his red alien clothes after he’s run over in the animated film whereas he just kind of lands naked in the live-action one, he adores cake in the live-action film whereas he takes one bite and then spits it back up whole in the animated, there’s no coin-operated spaceship sequence or Stitch getting into the laundry and wearing a bra on his head and a towel like a cape to look like a superhero, and he hijacks a Power Wheels in the new film instead of a Big Wheel. The film looks fairly good, as all of the animated characters transitioned to live-action rather seamlessly. All of the Stitch sequences are great. Stitch's interactions with Lilo are still fun. The sequences with Jumba’s portal gun are some of the best in the live-action film. As a huge fan of the original film, this remake suffers from feeling unnecessary, especially since Stitch is still one of the most popular Disney characters. Lilo & Stitch is a watchable live-action Disney remake with some entertaining moments, but its knack for revising half of what made the animated version memorable and molding it into something more mediocre is baffling.